Pedestrian DC

Dear internet,

DC just won an award for pedestrian safety. A quirk of pedestrian life here: crazy drivers. People complain about Maryland vs. Virginia drivers, but I tell you: watch out for elected officials and bureaucrats with diplomatic immunity.

How do I know where the drivers are from? Well, other than identifying politicians because they make direct eye contact with you while they accelerate into the crosswalk to make a right turn while you are crossing the street with the walk light, you can also tell from the license plates that say things like US SENATE. I am totally apolitical,* except when it comes to being run over. Then it’s all “I could have been your constituent! GET IMPEACHED.”

Diplomatic plates are easy to spot. You can just hear them thinking things like,”I’m already driving on the wrong side of the road in this backwater hardship tour capital city, do I really have to stop for pedestrians, too?!”



*I seriously don’t care about politics, I’m not even registered to vote, like why would I? I’m not a corporation.