Bulletproof vests in DC

 Dear internet,

A word problem: Three athleisured ladies out on a walk in DC. 1/3 wore a Camelback vest; 2/3 wore bulletproof vests.

I have many, so many, questions, but first: how did camelback woman convince her friends to come to upper northwest dc for a fitness stroll in the first place? Did she lie to them? Because it is well fact that the area “wotp” or west of (rock creek) park is a high crime area, to be avoided by ladies, children, and small dogs. 

maybe they’re just bringing the 90s back to DC.*



i love u dc tourists

Dear Internet,

i don’t get the tourist hate. i love ’em.

-tweens on a trip to the city, 20 dollar bill burning a hole in their pocket, you keep those pretzel carts and dollar dollar ice cold bottle of water people  in business

–  whole family driving the minivan (or RV) to dc and parking on the mall. they have a sense of optimism about the availability of parking that we should all have. but if anyone deserves a street parking space, it’s those folks who drove all the way from illinois.*

– foreign tourists who go NUTS for the squirrels and the squirrels who go NUTS for them

they all have the perspicasity to climb the steps of the lincoln memorial which i absolutely do not and i thank them for it because otherwise who knows, it might have gotten torn down to make way for another shake shack YUCK.

I miss all the tourists and wish for their speedy return.

yours sincerely,


*I used to never drive to the Mall because I was like, there is no parking. BUT now there is! At least when I go ( well, when I went) with il Bambino.

related: I think it’s a travesty that the National Parks Service is charging to park on the Mall. https://www.nps.gov/nama/planyourvisit/parking.htm

Ithink it should be free like the olden days. The NPS says, use public transit but Metro costs like 20 dollars for a family of four. So it’s like making the Smithsonian cost money when it should be free.